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How to Get Your PhD

How to Get Your PhD

June 24, 2007

Text: Job 28:20-28 

Job 28:20-28

20 "Where then does wisdom come from?

And where is the place of understanding?

21 It is hidden from the eyes of all living,

and concealed from the birds of the air.

22 Abaddon and Death say,

'We have heard a rumor of it with our ears.'

23 "God understands the way to it,

and he knows its place.

24 For he looks to the ends of the earth,

and sees everything under the heavens.

25 When he gave to the wind its weight,

and apportioned out the waters by measure;

26 when he made a decree for the rain,

and a way for the thunderbolt;

27 then he saw it and declared it;

he established it, and searched it out.

28 And he said to humankind,

'Truly, the fear of the Lord, that is wisdom;

and to depart from evil is understanding.'"

NRSV 

This is a doctoral hood. [put on doctoral hood]

Now I would like you to say, “Good morning, DOCTOR Weeks.”…

My, that sounds rather good.

Wouldn’t you also like to be called, “doctor”?

Well, you’re in luck. 

Log onto “speedydegrees.com”! In as little as seven days, you can get your degree, and put “doctor” in front of your name. Here’s what you’ll find on this website:

If you have gained some experience in the work/life/military field then you are qualified to earn yourself an online non-traditional life experience online degree in any profession you inspire without studying for it. We offer accelerated yet accredited life experience degree and diploma programs in Associate, Bachelors degree, Masters degree and PhD’s From Ashwood University, Buy a degree / Buy a diploma and other disciplines covering a vast majority of majors.

Degrees start at just $239. Cheap and fast.

I looked into a “Doctor of Ministry” degree once. You can go to seminary for a few years, do a major project, and spend lots of money. Or, you can go online to “Christian Leadership University” and get a “spirit-filled” DMin in a fraction of the time—although it will cost you $10,500. 

Putting “doctor” in front of your name is a great ego thing.

It conveys to everyone that you are “wise.”

Well, there’s a better way to gain “wisdom.” I’m going to show you how to get your PhD today in around 15 minutes.  

If you want to be “wise,” you need to develop just three characteristics. 

PATIENCE.

Where then does wisdom come from? And where is the place of understanding? It is hidden from the eyes of all living, and concealed from the birds of the air.  

We like to have everything clearly defined for us, don’t we? We’re busy people, with stresses piling up every day. We want truth to be laid out for us clearly and succinctly, so we can learn it and move on. 

But life doesn’t really allow itself to be bisected and dissected, put under a microscope, and understood cleanly and rapidly. Much of the truth of life lies hidden, concealed, and can only be discovered with patience, taking things slowly. 

You see this book? 

It’s Hawaii, by James Michener. It’s 1140 pages long. He could have written that book in a fraction of that length. It’s like he takes five pages to describe a tree in Hawaii. All I want from him is to read, “A big green tree stood on the hill.” Instead, he’ll describe the shade of green, the type of tree, and the tree’s history. He’ll tell you the tree’s ancestry, from generation to generation. He absolutely drives me up a wall.  

And you know what? Michener doesn’t have the problem. I do. He patiently looks at a detail of life, and sees wonder. If you or I took time to look closely at a detail of life, what would we discover? 

Do you want to be wise? Then look at the “areas of impatience” in your life.  

WHO are you most impatient with? A spouse, a child, a significant other, a colleague, a boss, or maybe even yourself? 

WHERE are you most impatient? Home? Work, with your ambition? School, with your goals? 

Whoever you are most impatient with, wherever you feel impatience: it is in that person, it is at that place, where “wisdom” is hidden, concealed. DON’T RUSH THINGS. Slow down. Don’t push your agenda. Don’t try to solve problems quickly. Simply, “be.”  

You know, sometimes it’s natural for a parent to long for when their child is more independent. Get through the diaper stage, get through the total dependency stage, get through the teen years. You get through all those stages, then you and your spouse can have your own life again. Of course, by that time, your child’s room is empty, and the old toys and pictures in that room are just souvenirs. The house is quiet. And you wonder what you missed in those times when you said, “If only my child were a little older…” 

Slow down, put aside frustrations and impatience, and look for the “hidden” treasure. 

The second characteristic to develop if you want to be wise: 

HUMILITY.

God understands the way to it, and he knows its place. For he looks to the ends of the earth, and sees everything under the heavens.

If you want to be wise, you have to understand that you’re not. 

You know the biggest obstacle to humility today?

The internet. We want to know anything—from something for a history report to what a medical symptom could mean—just do a google search. Or better yet, call up “wikipedia.” 

Wikipedia is the on-line encyclopedia where people can contribute and edit articles. There are close to two million articles in the English version alone—two million! The collective wisdom of millions of people is invaluable—what wisdom at our fingertips, accessible in microseconds. Surely everything you want to know about life is found there, right? 

And yet the Bible says there’s only one who sees “everything” under the heavens. 

Do you know how your heart started beating, or your mind started thinking? Did you craft your delicate eardrum so it could resonate with the soundwaves of my words, and send them to a brain that could make sense of them? Did you create your eye, so it could transform light into color and images for the brain to enjoy? 

Did you hang the moon in the sky, to pull the tides according to a celestial clock? Did you create the inferno of the sun, to give us warmth? Did you tilt the earth on its axis at just the right angle, and spin it around that sun in just the right orbit, so we can have winter, spring, summer, fall? 

Did you? The beginning of wisdom is to know that the more we know, the less we know. Life is a vast mystery—on a cosmic scale, and on an intensely personal scale. That’s reality. And to believe that wisdom depends on having enough people sharing their thoughts is but a delusion. We might get some tips, some insights, but that’s candy, not meat. Only GOD sees it all—the rest of us are children babbling in the dark. 

So…doesn’t it sound silly for you and me to make pronouncements as if we’re God? “That person is so…” “This is where I stand on…” “This is what I believe we should do…”  

How much better it is to say, “This is how I see things—how do you?”

Only GOD sees it all. Not the pope, the archbishop, the bishop, or the pastor. Only GOD sees it all. Not the president, or the governor, or the mayor. Not the professor or the teacher. Only GOD sees it all. Not the person next door or the person in the next room. And most certainly, not you or me. 

Only GOD.

Maybe, when we’re patient and when we’re humble, we can start to finally understand things. 

DISCERNMENT.

Truly, the fear of the Lord, that is wisdom; and to depart from evil is understanding.

That phrase, “fear of the Lord” has always gotten bad press. It conveys the image of tiptoeing around God, fearing that God’s hand is always on the lever that will release the trap door under you, dropping you who-knows-where. Maybe people who see it that way are people who might have something to worry about. 

“Fear of the Lord” is much more positive. It conveys the sense that the attitude we should have toward God should be similar to that which we have toward a wise professor who deeply cares for her or his students. You don’t worry about such a professor flunking you. That’s because you’re passionate about what this professor can teach you, how this prof can open up the secrets of life for you. 

If you and I have this type of relationship with God, then we’ll approach life asking but one question:  

“What would God have me learn?” 

You fall in love. You fall out of love. You fall back in love. What would God have me learn?

You see the birth of your child. What would God have me learn?

You see the problems your child goes through. What would God have me learn?

You look back at your life, and start seeing patterns. What would God have me learn?

You take a job, lose a job, change jobs. What would God have me learn?

You struggle in a relationship. You celebrate a relationship. What would God have me learn? 

You relate to an aging parent. What would God have me learn?

Your own body and mind start to betray you. What would God have me learn?

You hear the birth song of your child’s child. What would God have me learn?

In the ebbs and flows of life—in the high tides and the low tides: take a breath and ask, What would God have me learn? You will be absolutely amazed at the connections you make, the insights you gain. And life, instead of being one-dimensional, takes on depth, texture, color—life becomes amazingly beautiful, as you sit at the feet of One worthy of the title, “Doctor.” 

I’m reminded of what the poet Robert Frost once said.

A journalist asked him for an interview, and he replied, “Do you have one of those machines, those tape recorders?” “Noooo.” “Well, then come on in. Those people who take down every word never get anything right.” 

Wisdom isn’t conveyed through words. It’s conveyed through reflection, through interpretation. What would God have me learn? 

Well, I hope I’ve kept my agreement.

In around fifteen minutes, I’ve shown you how you can get your PhD. 

And you know what? It didn’t cost you $239, nor $10,500.

It will, though, cost you time. And some pride. It will make you ask questions, that may lead to more questions, with few easy answers.

It might be easier to write a check.

But friends, remember this bit of “wisdom:”

YOU GET WHAT YOU PAY FOR.

Right?