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Relationships

LENTEN SCRUBBING

Relationships

March 9, 2008

Text: Acts 15:36-41; Colossians 3:12-17

Acts 15:36-41

After some days Paul said to Barnabas, "Come, let us return and visit the believers in every city where we proclaimed the word of the Lord and see how they are doing." 37 Barnabas wanted to take with them John called Mark. 38 But Paul decided not to take with them one who had deserted them in Pamphylia and had not accompanied them in the work. 39 The disagreement became so sharp that they parted company; Barnabas took Mark with him and sailed away to Cyprus. 40 But Paul chose Silas and set out, the believers commending him to the grace of the Lord. 41 He went through Syria and Cilicia, strengthening the churches.

NRSV

Col 3:12-17

12 As God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience. 13 Bear with one another and, if anyone has a complaint against another, forgive each other; just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. 14 Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. 15 And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in the one body. And be thankful. 16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly; teach and admonish one another in all wisdom; and with gratitude in your hearts sing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs to God. 17 And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

NRSV

I can’t believe him!

We had once worked so well together! We were partners—saw eye-to-eye on everything. But suddenly, he changed—that’s the only way I can explain it. It was like someone flipped a switch inside him.

I, known as the apostle Paul, have been entrusted to preach the Gospel to the Gentiles. Jesus Christ himself commissioned me to do this! So of course I plan these missionary trips carefully—each one is meant to bring others to a saving knowledge of Jesus; what can be more important? And, knowing this importance, can you believe Barnabas, my missionary partner—or should I say, “former” missionary partner? You know what he insisted on doing?

He wanted to take the young man John Mark with us. I knew absolutely that was the wrong thing to do. That guy had backed out on us when we ran into opposition at a town last year. Ran away he did. You can’t take a guy like that with you when you’re preaching the Gospel in a hostile land! Can’t do it!

But Barnabas would NOT listen to me! He insisted on taking him. I talked to him until I was blue in the face, but he wouldn’t budge! How stubborn! I had no choice but to say, “Forget about it. You go your way, I’ll go mine.” Or, as we say in Hebrew, “Sayonara.”

Oh, I must breathe deeply, and get back to the business at hand. [go to table and sit down]

I’m in the middle of writing an extremely important letter to the church at Colossae. Where was I? Oh yes.

12 Clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience. 13 Bear with one another and, if anyone has a complaint against another, forgive each other; just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.

[get up]

Is there a “disconnect” here?

Paul had an angry streak. Plus, he was extremely task oriented—“Woe to me if I don’t preach the Gospel!” Because he was like that, relationships suffered at times. There was no way he was going to listen to Barnabas. And yet he writes, “bear with one another…forgive each other…”

Do you ever see the disconnect in your life, like there appears to be in Paul’s?

. Out there in the real world it’s easy to let anger boil.

Last Sunday I preached on Jesus’ command to “bless those who curse you.” A few of you said to me later, “THAT is exactly what I’m challenged with right now,” and you gave some examples. You told me of people who would never be a suitable replacement for Mr. Rogers. Mean, insensitive, overbearing, stubborn, tacky people.

It’s so easy for these people to get under your skin. You fuss and fume. Your blood pressure rises. You take the person home with you, figuratively, and you can’t be fully present with your friends or family. The person invades your dreams, wakes you up, and forces you to think of things you ought to say, or strategies you ought to follow, in order to deal with her/him.

Your feelings get hurt. You get mad…

…And then you come in here on Sunday morning and sing, “Love divine all loves excelling, joy of heaven to earth come down…”

Don’t you feel a bit disconnected?

A woman told of a big fight that took place between her parents, when she was a child. It took her parents three weeks to start acting “civil” with each other. However, in her words, “our home was never the same.”

And yet those parents would take their daughter to church and, even though their home was icy cold, in the sanctuary they’d talk and sing about the warm love of Jesus.

The disconnect.

Wouldn’t it be nice to feel connected? To feel that your world “out there” is consistent with your world “in here?”

You know, I don’t think the scene where I portrayed a disconnected Paul ever took place. I believe Paul did something before he ever got to the point of being so dysfunctional, so out of harmony. What he did enabled him to write his thoughts with a clean heart and a clear conscience. I believe that’s the only way he could write these words:

14 Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.

“Harmony.” A connectedness between the words we say on Sunday morning, and how we live on Monday morning. If we are to have such harmony, then the way we relate to others outside these walls must be consistent with the things we profess inside them.

After Paul’s blowup with Barnabas, maybe he did something to help him live a harmonious life.

Maybe he did two very real, practical things that cleaned up his relationship with his former missionary partner. Maybe Paul would tell us to…

LOOK AT THE OTHER PERSON FROM A DIFFERENT ANGLE.

We let our blood pressure rise with another person because we see that person only from one angle. It’s usually a head-to-head, face-to-face, eye-to-eye perspective. We might feel attacked. We might feel frustrated. And we start making blanket statements from that one narrow viewpoint: “He’s so…” “She’s so…” We arrogantly think our perspective on this person is the best perspective.

a. There once were two feuding elderly ladies. They had had some disagreement long ago that had fractured their relationship. As years passed, they waged trench warfare against each other. They held on to hurt feelings, each portraying herself the victim of the other’s meanness.

Back then, people wrote letters to each other in the local newspaper. It was sort of like early blogging. People would assume pen names, and write public letters about issues in life—family, relationships, that type of thing. Part of the fun was not knowing who really was writing the letters.

One of the feuding elderly women assumed the name “Sea Gull.” The other took the name, “Arbutus.” And wouldn’t you know it? Through their letters, they started a newspaper friendship. They’d write and respond to each other warmly. Yet, they never knew the person they were corresponding with was their mortal enemy. They died, never knowing.

The granddaughter of one of the women told this story of Sea Gull and Arbutus, then concluded:

People may seem to be perfectly impossible. They may seem to be mean and small and sly. But if you will take 10 paces to the left and look again with the light falling at a different angle, very likely you will see that they are generous and warm and kind. It all depends on the point from which you're seeing them.

Maybe Paul, after storming away from Barnabas, started looking at his former partner from an angle different. Maybe he took 10 paces to the left, and remembered what a soft-hearted type of guy Barnabas was, how he could more easily forgive someone like John Mark than Paul could. Maybe he took another 10 paces to the left, and remembered how loyal and trustworthy Barnabas had been on their previous missionary journey. Maybe he stepped another 10 paces, and saw Barnabas as a deep, committed, generous man of faith—Barnabas had once sold a field and gave all the money to the church. [Acts 4:36].

Maybe Paul took 10 paces, and found his own heart softening.

Maybe we can, too. What are different angles from which you can view that person who gets under your skin? Imagine her as a child growing up? Remember the good thing he did a while back?

Here’s a second thing Paul might tell us to do, in order to scrub up that relationship:

DO AN INDIRECT ACT OF RECONCILIATION.

One of the most difficult things in the world to do is call up that “someone” and say, “I know we’ve had our differences. Let’s get together and talk things out.” It’s risky, and takes some nerve.

Sometimes such directness is needed. But I think an “indirect” approach can work pretty well.

a. In my college days at Central Methodist, there was a fellow religion major with whom I had a lot of trouble. He was from Chicago—worldly-wise and, I thought, pretty crude and profane. I, on the other hand, was from Poplar Bluff—decidedly UN-worldly-wise, and Bible-belt pious. We traded barbs in each class—everyone knew that behind those barbs was a genuine dislike. Our backgrounds and personalities terminally clashed.

Around Easter time in our last semester together, I re-read Jesus’ words about “If you’re at the altar and you have something against someone, go—take care of the matter—then come back.” I decided maybe my situation with John fit that category. Almost impulsively I called him up.

“John, this is Greg. Easter break is coming, and I’m stuck here in beautiful Fayette. Would you like to have dinner together?” To this day I remember the stunned silence. He stuttered a bit then said, “Uh, sure. Hey, why not come over, and my wife will cook up some spaghetti.”

We had our sacrament of spaghetti that night. We talked about what we thought of our classes and profs. We talked about our backgrounds. We even went out bowling. Now, we didn’t become close friends. And when classes resumed Monday morning, we still traded our barbs. But we understood each other a little better—maybe appreciated each other a little more—and those zingers had a much friendlier feel about them.

b. Who knows? Maybe after Paul’s blowup with Barnabas, he called him up. “Hey, Barney, we have an opening on the church softball team, the Corinthian Cougars. Would you like to play?” Maybe the two men laced up the spikes together, and threw the ball around. Maybe they started talking once again. Maybe they even ended up closer than they were before their argument.

What opportunity can you use or create for an indirect act of reconciliation? An event coming up? A task to do? An invitation can you give?

[conclusion]

You know what I discovered the other day?

It’s the principle of “entrainment.”

It was discovered by a Dutch scientist in the 17^th century. He observed that two entities, physically close to each other, will eventually begin sharing the same rhythm. He put two pendulum clocks on the wall next to each other. After a while, the pendulums on the clocks would synchronize with each other, no matter how out of sync they were to begin with.

--http://www.soundfeelings.com/products/alternative_medicine/music_therapy/

It’s as if in nature there’s a desire to be in harmony. You’ve seen this when people are walking side by side. After a while, unconsciously, the strides of the people match, and they walk in rhythm with each other.

You know, when we’re out of harmony with another person, we don’t feel right. It’s painful. Its noise grates our soul.

But today, you know what to do about it. Have the grace to look at another person from a different angle. Have the creativity to offer a chance at reconciling.

You’ll be trying to create harmony, peace, and some beautiful music.

And if you and that other person can get in rhythm, THEN is when your Sunday words and your Monday living will be connected.