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The Difficult Art of Speaking

The Difficult Art of Speaking

October 28, 2007

Text: James 3:1-12

James 3:1-12

Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers and sisters, for you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness. 2 For all of us make many mistakes. Anyone who makes no mistakes in speaking is perfect, able to keep the whole body in check with a bridle. 3 If we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we guide their whole bodies. 4 Or look at ships: though they are so large that it takes strong winds to drive them, yet they are guided by a very small rudder wherever the will of the pilot directs. 5 So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great exploits.

How great a forest is set ablaze by a small fire! 6 And the tongue is a fire. The tongue is placed among our members as a world of iniquity; it stains the whole body, sets on fire the cycle of nature, and is itself set on fire by hell. 7 For every species of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by the human species, 8 but no one can tame the tongue — a restless evil, full of deadly poison. 9 With it we bless the Lord and Father, and with it we curse those who are made in the likeness of God. 10 From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this ought not to be so. 11 Does a spring pour forth from the same opening both fresh and brackish water? 12 Can a fig tree, my brothers and sisters, yield olives, or a grapevine figs? No more can salt water yield fresh.

NRSV

We’ve said that we can’t follow Jesus and stay the same. Our ears have to be tuned to listen as he listened—giving equal respect and attention to all. But listening as Jesus listened is easy compared to what we’ll explore today: trying to talk as he talked—openly, honestly, always willing to believe the best in the other person.

I hope you’re wearing steel-toed shoes, because your toes are about to be stepped on. I can say this because as I wrote this sermon, my toes got severely bruised!

Ever heard of Picabo Street?

She was a famous skier a few years ago.

What you didn’t know was that while she was skiing, she was also studying to be a nurse. After her career on the slopes was over, she became an RN, and a good one. However, there was a problem.

When she was doing a rotation in the Intensive Care Unit of a hospital, the ICU, the head of nursing had to give her some unique instructions. She was told not to answer the phone because she was confusing callers. Whenever the phone rang, she would pick it up and answer, in her most professional voice, “Picabo, ICU.”

Never saw it coming, did you?

Now, is that a true story? No. She’s never been a nurse. Yet, this tale was actually making the rounds on the internet, and people were believing it. Like the story of the little boy on the cruise ship who told his parents he was going to watch Sponge Bob, the cartoon character. They thought he was going downstairs to watch the TV. Nope. He jumped overboard—after all, Sponge Bob “lives in a pineapple under the sea.”

True story? No. Yet it made its rounds in conversations across the country.

We all love to spread stories, don’t we? Doesn’t matter if they’re true or not—we just like to tell them. Especially if it’s about people.

This is a moment of true confession.

I like reading Parade magazine. And what do you think I read first in Parade? That’s right—the gossip page. It’s so exciting! I think it was there, or maybe in the “people” section of the Post, or maybe on some site on the internet, that I discovered Dumbledore’s sexual orientation. How surprising!

We like to read stories like this. It feels good.

And you know what really feels good? Talking to people about someone you know. Those are the best stories, because they seem more real. You don’t know Picabo, you don’t know Dumbledore, but you know Bill or Bob, Sarah or Samantha.

Someone once called these conversations you have with people about people, “caffeinated” conversations. You know—caffeine is addictive. It’s energizing, making you alert, feeling alive, especially when you’re trying to wake up and feel juiced for your day.

Yes, “caffeinated” conversations.

“Did you hear what she and her boyfriend were doing? I always thought she might be that type of girl! What would her parents say? Oh, and don’t get me started on her parents. You know, they’ve been having problems for quite some time. I’m surprised she didn’t dump the jerk years ago!”

“I always thought he was pretty dense. You know, a few bricks short of a load. A few fries short of a Happy Meal. All foam, no beer. His belt doesn’t go through all the loops. In the pinball game of life, his flippers are farther apart than most. Yes, he never was the smartest, but let me tell you the dumbest thing he did!”

“You know why I quit? Because of the boss…”

“You know why I quit? Because of my co-workers…”

“You know why I resigned? Because of the committee members…”

]

“I think he’s up to something.”

“I think she did something, and she’s not being honest.”

And so it starts. A few sentences, and stories blaze out of control. Reputations damaged. Relationships fractured. Promotions passed over. Jobs lost.

James, the brother of Jesus, who heard the gracious words the Master spoke, knew the damage caffeinated conversations could produce:

How great a forest is set ablaze by a small fire! AND THE TONGUE IS A FIRE. The tongue is placed among our members as a world of iniquity; it…is itself set on fire by hell…No one can tame the tongue — a restless evil, full of deadly poison [caffeine?]…With it we bless the Lord, and with it we curse those made in the likeness of God. --James 3:5-9

If you’ve ever been gossiped about, and discover it, you know the truth of James’ words. You know how painful the burn is when you’re on the receiving end of gossip.

Here are the words of a Christian woman named Alison Hawke:

“I have been the subject of a nasty little gossip ring. Four people I thought were my friends were trading rumors about me. When I confronted one of them, she said it was because they were ‘concerned’ about me. They were so concerned that they couldn’t pick up the phone or write a letter, drop round to see me or send an e-mail. They were more concerned with spreading what they thought were my guilty secrets. Never mind that their ‘news’ was bad guesses showing the situation in the worst possible light, or that their guesses were completely wrong. Never mind that none of these people had even seen me in several weeks. They were ‘concerned.’”

With “concerned” friends like these, who needs enemies?

If we are going to talk as Jesus talked, we’re not going to do character assassination under the syrupy veneer of being “concerned.”

Instead of “caffeinated” conversations, why not “spring water” conversations? After all, if you noticed, James said that you will speak as your heart is—if you put into your heart brackish, dirty water, it will become a spring of brackish water, your words will be brackish. Put into your heart fresh water, it becomes a spring of fresh water, your words will be clear, clean, pure.

Does a spring pour forth from the same opening both fresh and brackish water?...No more than salt water can yield fresh.

If you are serious about following Jesus, then drink his living water. Let him shape your heart. Then you will discover that your conversations will take on two very pronounced characteristics:

1—Bless people through truth-telling, don’t curse them through storytelling.

John Wesley, the founder of Methodism, put it best when he instructed his small group members, “Don’t mention the faults of any behind his back.”

We know we shouldn’t spread stories, but the urge is too great. So we sometimes justify our caffeinated conversation by beginning it with something nice-sounding.

“I don’t mean to spread a rumor, BUT…”

“I don’t want to talk about someone, HOWEVER…”

“I’m concerned about Bill, AND HERE’S WHY…”

We go through all sorts of mental gymnastics to give ourselves permission to do the very thing we say we’re not doing: spreading stories, gossiping.

People following Christ don’t do that.

Jesus didn’t say, “If someone irritates you, go and tell others how tacky he is.”

Rather, he said that if you’re worshipping, and you feel irritated at someone, stop your worship and go and straighten it out with that person, one-on-one. Then, having had that helpful conversation, return and finish your worship. [Matthew 5:23-24]

Isn’t that the way you’d want to be treated? It’s the way I’d want to be treated.

If you hear something about me, or if I’ve irritated you in some fashion, I want you to come to me and say, “I’d like to share something with you.” That’s helpful, that’s good. I don’t want you to share it with twenty people first. What will happen is that I’ll hear it from the twentieth person, and by that time I’ll look like Jack the Ripper’s younger brother.

No—you don’t treat people this way, and at the same time think you’re imitating the One whose words flowed from a heart as pure as cool, spring water.

The second characteristic of a “spring water” conversation:

2-- Stop gossipers in their tracks, put them in their place.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer, the German theologian and martyr in World War Two, once said,

“Often we combat our evil thoughts most effectively if we absolutely refuse to allow them to be expressed in words.” –Homiletics, 9/14/03

He said that if you don’t say the worst about someone, you begin seeing the best in that person. You start seeing them in a different light. Within the church, this means that you come to appreciate the differences in people, and even celebrate them.

This doesn’t just apply to us holding our tongue. I think Bonhoeffer would say that if you hear evil thoughts about a person being expressed by someone else, you put a stop to it. You refuse to condone evil by your silence.

For example, when someone spreads a juicy rumor about someone, say something like, “Well, that’s not been my experience with the person.” Or, “I find that hard to believe—I remember when he/she…” Or, “I’m uncomfortable talking about someone like this—I remember Pastor Greg’s sermon.” Or, “I’m uncomfortable talking about someone like this—if you think this is true, why not talk to the person, instead of talking about the person?”

Gossip is serious. Don’t compromise. Don’t wink and smile at evil, and laugh an embarrassed laugh when someone starts spreading the stories.

You are a child of the light, not the dark. You are a child of fresh water, not brackish water.

Let your conversations reflect that.

Let your friends reflect that.

And if they don’t—find other friends. You cannot walk with the Master, then take breaks with your “friends” around the coffeepot.

You know what will happen if you do these two things?

Well, what will happen if you’ve been living on caffeine, and you go cold turkey?

You’ll get the mother of all HEADACHES.

There is a price you pay, for kicking the habit of gossip.

But how you speak about others is THE defining mark of the Christian.

Your headache will go away after a while.

And your heart?

It will never have felt better.